“I’m Exactly Where I’m Supposed to Be — Again”

August 6, 2023 — Ordinary Time

Matthew 13:1-9

Kris Baker

Good morning! I’m honored to once again be here to share with you.

Please pray with me:

Blessed are you Lord Our God, Creator of the universe! May the words from my lips and the understanding of all our hearts bring each one of us to You. In Jesus name, amen.

When I received an email from pastor Mike in June requesting someone to volunteer to preach in Blackfoot, my first thought was, “someone better than me will step up. But shortly after I had that thought I found myself replying that I would volunteer. Immediately after sending the email, I thought, “What have you done now?”

I began to ponder what I could possibly share. I prayed and told the Lord that He would have to guide me in this and provide the words. What is it that You want me to talk about?

Jesus’ response was, “YOU.”

WHAT?! ME!? I thought that wouldn't be very interesting.

In my mind I began to run, and in my “wisdom” I’m calculating how to spin this away from me. What could I do? Since it is summer I will talk about my garden. After all, who doesn’t want to get outside and plant flowers and veggies and get a little dirty? Scripture that popped into my head was the parable of the sower.

I know you are all familiar with this parable; the sower sows his seeds, some fell along the path, some on rocky ground, others fell in amongst the weeds and some fell in good soil.

The birds ate the seed along the path. The seeds that fell in the rocks had enough dirt to sprout but not enough to grow and soon died. The ones that grew in the weeds were choked out and never matured . But the seeds landing in good soil grew and produced fruit.

This is a great passage, teaching us what to expect when we share the good news of Jesus Christ.

But what could I say that would enhance the message, make it fresh and new like the flowers growing all around? I borrowed some reference material from a friend but even with that, I FELT STUCK! Where do I go from here?

I prayed for guidance in growing my message and the only response I received was, “YOU.”

I must say I felt a bit like Jonah must have after he was spat out of the fish’s mouth outside of Nineveh. It seems that I needed to do what Jesus told me, talk about my journey.

OK FINE, I went back and looked at the scripture again (it would have been a whole lot easier if I had listened in the first place).

I looked at the parable again, and I still understood that it is about spreading God’s Word to ALL kinds of people and how it will be accepted and acted upon. But then the meaning changed, and I began to see my journey reflected in these words. Here is what I saw:

When I was a small child (about 4 or 5) I remember being an acolyte. It was very exciting being the one to light the church candles. I felt so important, but I had no idea what it was all about. We sang songs in Sunday school about Jesus and how He loves us but there was no understanding.

As I grew a little older I went to Sunday school, church, and learned some more about Jesus. As a family we read the story of Jesus' birth, celebrated Christmas and Easter. My Dad would read Bible stories to us before bed.

I knew the stories, understood that Jesus loves me. What I did not comprehend was why. Why did God send His Son to die for us because of our sin? What did that mean??? The first seeds of faith in my life fell along the path and were eaten by the birds, no faith grew in me at that time.

It was clear that on Easter Jesus rose from the dead and went back to heaven to live with God. I believed in God, and I believed in Jesus, my seed was trying to grow.

Continuing through High School, going to church was something that was “expected” so we went most of the time. I would do the very least possible. You know “go through the motions”. There was no more Sunday school, my learning did not continue. I did not read the Bible because I could not understand what it meant nor what it had to do with me. The only thing I hung onto was that Jesus loved me. Just like the seeds that fell amongst the rocks, my seed had sprouted but soon died. No one had ever taught me what to do with my belief. I had no soil.

College came next; I was kicked out of one school due to low grades. I just didn’t care which tends to happen after the first time I met my faculty advisor, and without looking up, he stated that he will not help me and that I should change my major, never looking at me he simply continued with what he was doing.

He was unconcerned about the effect his words had on the shy 19-yearold young lady standing before him. I was devastated. My dreams, thrown away like so much trash.

The associate pastor at church suggested that I apply at the Christian College. I wasn’t very hopeful and a little “gun shy” after my last experience but I applied. I figured that with my poor grades from the previous year, I didn’t have much of a chance. However, I guess God had other plans. I was accepted. It seems that Jesus was still knocking at the door.

The school year began, my classes were wonderful and the chapel services that we had to attend three times a week began to open my heart. The college group at my church also served as the counselors for the Jr. High Youth group. I was invited to begin working along with them and I, reluctantly, said yes. The first time I went I have to admit, I was terrified! The meeting began with activity. Generally, it was a version of volleyball we called Jungle ball. After games, we would have supper, prepared by volunteer Mom’s. The meal finished the singing began followed by a message from the Bible then ending with prayer. It was a nondenominational group, and the kids would invite their friends and the leaders would visit the schools meeting friends and sometimes teachers. There were approximately 60 coming each week. God was clearly working. UNTIL………

Mrs. K, a big money tither, went to the administrative board and complained that the group leaders were too young and close to the kids' age, and that there should be parents present to chaperon the meetings. Needless to say, we were not pleased. To get the kids to open up with parents around was not going to be easy. We all knew the kids were the priority, so we kept going, until, as the saying goes; the other shoe dropped. Mrs. K returned to the board and once again leveraged her weight and demanded that Methodist curriculum be used at the Jr High meetings. We protested, telling the board that this was not a meeting held during church hours, but an outreach and most of the kids would stop attending because they were not Methodist. We also asked the board why they thought the Bible was not sufficient. Clearly God was at work in this group. In the end we were ignored. Immediately the attendance dropped. As leaders we agreed that since the Word of God was not enough then we must not be either. All of us left, the Jr High group fell to less than 10 and there was no more college fellowship. We were all broken-hearted.

The weeds kept growing stronger. I stopped going to church. The state program that I was hoping to join was defunded a month before I graduated. After graduation I had a difficult time finding a lab job, I would have to be trained (companies didn’t want to pay for that) and I had no experience. I finally settled on a QA position, which only required a high school diploma. So disappointed!!

I met a man at work, and we started seeing one another. The relationship got to the place where he asked Dad for permission to marry me. Permission was given and wedding plans began. I remember waking up from a bad dream and knowing this was not going to happen. He had never asked me to marry him. Apparently it was assumed since Dad was alright with it.

I ran and did the only thing I could think of, I joined the Marine Corps. Right after I enlisted on delayed enlistment, my brother was hit by a car and was in a coma. My brother survived but by this time the weeds had won! My faith was very small, I remember thinking, (I had stopped praying by now), that I can do this on my own. I have a good foundation and I will be just fine doing this myself.

Off I went to boot camp and then on to training to become an Air Traffic Controller. Graduated top Marine in my class which up to that point meant I could pick my duty station. Not this time, the Commandant thought it would be better to send me to Okinawa. So as not to get into all the details, allow me to sum up my career in the Marines with this: Having leadership of my life led me to have indiscriminate sex, begin to use drugs, distribute a controlled substance, get arrested the day I was going to re-enlist, have a trial, get sent to the brig and ended with a “big chicken dinner” as we called it. I was discharged with a Bad Conduct Discharge. And though I didn’t recognize it at the time, Jesus was still by my side. All charges were solely within the military, so I had no civilian record.

After my discharge drugs became much more prominent in my life. Using drugs, drinking and promiscuity ended up in pregnancy. I couldn’t get a job, but I did stop using drugs, drinking, and smoking as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

For a complete change, and other family factors, I moved to Idaho, lived with my sister’s family and became nanny to my niece’s and nephew (8,6,4). Still not turning to God I did the hardest thing I have ever done; I gave my son up for adoption. I reasoned that I was not fit to raise a child and because of what I had done I was not a good person, or ever would be. I wanted my baby to have a chance at a good life. Two weeks after my son was born I went to the judge and signed the papers to give him up. I still did not turn to Jesus, I felt that He didn’t/couldn’t love me anymore because of what I had done.

I had convinced myself that I was no good and would never be any different. Smoking, drinking, pot, coke and crystal meth became the way I dealt with the world. I went back to California under the pretense of getting a job. I did easily get a job, but the drugs were easier to get as well. It wasn’t until the morning I woke up; sleeping on the floor, after a 3-day runner that my eyes began to open. I remember thinking, “What the are you doing?” I was on the fast track to destruction. I made the decision to go back to Idaho and hoped my sister would take me in one more time. I still had not looked up. I still struggled, couldn’t love myself but managed to get a job and a place of my own, I made enough money to pay my bills, feed my critters and myself and to buy pot. Life was going well, I thought, I was doing alright on my own. Couldn’t figure out why I felt empty and alone. Promoted to full time at work, I bought a house, oh yea, I was doing just fine.

I tried going back to church, even. I was not at all comfortable, certain all the folks were judging me. After all, why not, I earned it. I was a horrible person.

Then one week my sister told me to pack a bag, we were going away for the weekend. This was not a request! I relented, packed my bag and Thursday afternoon we were off. We got off the freeway and I informed my sister that I would go no further without a cup of coffee and wanted to know where we were going. Coffee in hand we continued and pulled into a church. Then I found out that she was sponsoring me to Walk to Emmaus. Fear bolted through me!!! Certain that God was angry with me, I had no idea what to expect. That weekend I finally looked up. The seeds were being sown and this time they were falling on good soil. What I discovered was LOVE.

From that weekend to this, I keep my eyes on Him. Sometimes I forget and stumble but with the help of family and friends I get back up. I know He will never leave me. If any leaving is done I will have to do it.

The struggles are still there but now I have always got Jesus by my side. He DOES love me, and with His continual help I can love me as well. The seeds were growing in the good soil, coming up strong and true. I do not know where He wants me to go but I am willing. So, you see the parable of the sower did fit my life.

When I was young I did not know what faith was so the seed could not grow.

As I got older and had some understanding, faith began to grow. But I had no teaching, and no roots grew.

College came and again faith sprouted. This time it grew strong until the weeds choked it.

Life continued for many years. The weeds of the world over grew my life. Walking by myself only led me in the wrong direction.

God sent my sister to take me by the scruff of the neck and finally I discovered that Jesus had been waiting all this time for me to open the door and let Him in.

The soil was good, and my faith has been growing, slowly but surely, ever since.

I assure you I intend to hang on to Jesus as hard as I can. I am so thankful that I finally listened and shared my journey, a snapshot anyway. I am learning to keep looking up and it’s okay to make mistakes, we all do. But do not make the mistake, like I did, and shut Him out. All He wants to do is LOVE each of us. We can then love Him in return.

1 John 4:19 tells us, “We love Him because He first loved us.”

He will show us how to love. Now I am confident that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, again!

God Bless you all!