Advent & Men, Part 4: “Silence & Speech”

December 24, 2023 – Fourth Sunday of Advent

Matthew 1:18-25

Pastor Mike

On this fourth Sunday of Avent, we continue our reflections on the men in the stories from the Gospels who, for one reason or another, find themselves in close proximity to the incarnation of God’s Son, Jesus. We are keeping company with them because they have things to teach us about God’s intentions for a world in which men love themselves without shame, love others without fear, and are loved by those around them simply for being who they are. This world, far off though it may seem, can be ours if we would rest in Christ and receive through him the perfect love of the Father, if we would allow ourselves to be challenged and changed by this love.

So far, we have lingered with King Herod, the Eastern Magi, and Zechariah the priest. Now, we turn our attention to Jesus’ adoptive father, Joseph, drawing ever closer to the heart of this good news. For Joseph called not merely to adapt to a surprising movement of God but to make room in his life, in his house, for this family, and to provide for their safety in a hostile world.

Let’s imagine for a moment that Matthew’s Gospel is the only one of the four that we’ve ever had. In Matthew’s Christmas story, Joseph takes center stage. He is the one to whom the angels come and deliver crucial information about the divine origin and Messianic destiny of Mary’s baby. But this is only after Mary has conceived. In Matthew, there is no story of the angel Gabriel visiting the Virgin Mary, no advance news of her miraculous pregnancy. No time to prepare or reflect.

Matthew’s story simply starts with the shocking fact: Mary, promised in marriage to Joseph but not yet his bride, “was found to be pregnant” (1:18). Was found – those two words carry the sense of surprise, of scandal. This was certainly a situation that stirred up Joseph. How would he react to the shock and embarrassment that his soon-to-be spouse was pregnant with a child not his own.

Keeping his own counsel, Joseph decides to break off the engagement and send Mary away quietly. As a man of his time and culture, it would’ve been very easy for him to save face and also bring shame upon Mary or even have her punished. Instead, he plans to preserve both their reputations as best he can through a secret divorce. He goes above what is required by the letter of the law to care for Mary, too. Well, sort of. She’ll be on her own with the baby, partnerless and vulnerable, but at least she won’t be overtly disgraced. Matthew describes Joseph as “righteous” – that is, godly. Given the unsettling circumstances, Joseph proves himself to be a considerate man.

Joseph has made a righteous decision, yes. But he has made it by himself in the privacy of his own mind. Joseph practices a legalistic form of righteousness, rationally applying the letter of the law to life’s problems. Joseph, like many men, is most comfortable thinking alone, determining for himself what is most fitting according to fact, not feelings. He does not invite any input from God or from Mary as he decides upon a course of action. He broods over his problem until a lightbulb goes off in his head.

Precisely at this moment, God intervenes. God knows the thoughts of our hearts, God knows our words before they leap from our tongues. It does not matter to God that Joseph’s decision is technically righteous; what matters to God is the Savior, God’s own Son, growing in Mary’s womb, and preparing hearts to receive him.

Joseph goes to sleep settled on his plan of quiet separation, but he is disturbed by a heaven-sent dream. In his dream, an angel commands him to do exactly the opposite of what he has planned to do. The angel tells Joseph to take Mary as his wife and to adopt and name her child. The angel tells Joeseph not to be afraid to do this. That’s key, the fear. Fear is often at the root of our isolated counsel, our refusal to bring others inside our own thinking.

The dream is also important. Dreams bubble up from the subconscious dimension of the mind. Dreams defy rational thought and are composed of feelings, memories, images. They come to us in the vulnerability of our sleep.

God calls Joseph to embrace this affective way of knowing, a way that he can only receive and respond to but that is not of his own making or under his control. To follow a dream is a form of living righteousness. Living righteousness means practicing a moment-by-moment dependence on God’s Spirit to direct us; it means inviting divine input into our situation.

This is just the first time that Joesph will dream. When Herod determines to kill all the Jewish boys around Bethlehem, after being defied by the Magi, Joseph is warned in a dream to take the family and flee to Egypt. Years later, when Herod dies and it is safe to return to Israel, Joseph is told to go back through a dream.

Joseph begins a reasonable man, and he ends up a dreamer. He begins by determining his own way, and he ends by having his way determined for him. This can be a difficult shift to make, yet he need not be afraid, for God is with him, and the child of Mary is worth every cost. Joseph wakes from sleep and does what he has been commanded to do. He doubles down on his commitment to Mary; he consents to receiving a firstborn son not of his own flesh and blood; he adopts the child and names him Jesus.

Let’s circle back: Joseph’s initial impulse was to send Mary away, to separate himself from her. That’s another masculine tendency, to restore order by diminishing complexity and minimizing personal involvement. Often, men pull back from events or relationships that overwhelm them, that are too messy or seem to demand too much. But the angel does not permit Joseph to disengage from Mary and Jesus. Joseph is pressed forward into what is not easily understood. He chooses to be with them, and this choice to bring mother and child into his life undoubtedly makes his life harder rather than easier.

Anyone who’s ever had a kid can attest to that: the household gets noisier, messier, more chaotic in some ways, more stifling in others. The temptation for men is to pull back from that. Even biological fathers must choose to be present and engaged rather than removed emotionally or physically. A father (noun) must choose to father (verb). The power of men is in their presence.

Joseph submits to participating in God’s salvation. For several years, it costs him his personal comfort, security, and control. He is entangled in his son’s purpose. As I’ve noted several times, Joseph’s story continues into chapter two where he is called upon to protect Mary and Jesus from the violence of Herod. The idea of a man as the protector of his house and family is a masculine trope that we all know well. There are definitely harmful ways that this plays out in the masculine psyche, because to be identified as the protector primes men for violence and reinforces the idea that all things belong to us. Joseph keeps his family safe by serving them and paying close attention to his dreams. His providing work actually takes the form of self-sacrifice and loss; Joseph has to leave his community, workplace, and home in order to go and live as a stranger in Egypt. He flees in the night rather than standing his ground. He cares for his family like a shepherd, leading them through the valley of shadow, as God directs him.

I’d like to conclude by reflecting on the angel’s opening words to Joesph: “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid…” Notice: The angel calls Joesph by name before telling him that he will name Mary’s baby. The angel reminds Joseph that he is a son, a part of a living legacy of faith, before telling him that Mary’s baby is a son. The angel tells Joseph not to be afraid before telling him that Jesus “will save his people from their sins.”

Remember the words from John that kicked off this series? “But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave authority to become children of God.” God knows us and calls us by name. God loves us and calls us sons and daughters. When we hear God speak our true name, we are able to speak truth over others. When we trust in God’s love for us, we are able to bless others.

The only thing standing between our brokenness and the salvation that Jesus brings is our fear – fear of change, fear of intimacy, fear of feeling. But by doing the scary thing, by relinquishing control and receiving Jesus into our lives, all our fears are cast out by his perfect love.

This Christmas, may we be dreamers who take the Christ child alongside us and learn to worship, to love, and to rejoice without fear.

In the name of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Guided Reflection

        What has this sermon series on men stirred up in you?

        How are you being called to grow?

        Who is one person in your life that you will talk to ab