The Deserted Place
February 14, 2024
Ash Wednesday
Pastor Mike
Matthew 14:1-21
This is not a traditional Ash Wednesday reading, and it may feel at first like a strange pairing. What could this miraculous story of feasting and abundance have to do with this solemn day of fasting and repentance? For here we are, acknowledging that we are empty, while they sit together, over five thousand of them, eating to the point of satisfaction with basketfuls of bread left over. We might wonder: What does this Table have to do with these ashes?
Many times, when read of Jesus feeding the 5,000, we miss the set-up to the story. And we must go back and find out, for the scripture begins, “Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself.” Heard what? What did Jesus hear that caused him to withdraw from other people and seek solitude in an empty place? He heard that his beloved cousin, John, the one who had prepared the way for his own ministry and who had shared with in him in the sacred moment of his baptism – John had been suddenly, brutally beheaded as a party trick, as the consequence of a king’s lust and arrogance. Jesus’ coworker, friend, relative was gone. Jesus sought out a deserted place to grieve, to be alone and cry, to be angry. Like an animal wanting to be alone in its pain, Jesus got in a boat and set off to a place where no one would know him, no one would need him, where no one would be.
Only, the crowds hear that he has slipped away from them, and they have their own need – their need to be close to him, for he has the power to heal them. They follow him on foot, which must mean that wherever he was able to get to by a straight shot across water, they could only come to by a slower, roundabout way. Driven by their desperation, just as he is driven by his grief, they are there to meet him when he steps off the boat in his no-longer deserted place.
Jesus has just made this huge effort to be alone only to find himself right back in the company of people who want something, who need something, from him. I can tell you how I would have felt and reacted had this been my ruined ‘alone time,’ but Jesus has compassion on the crowds, and in the Greek language the word compassion is related to the word for guts, which means Jesus was deeply moved in his bowels for the sufferings of the people, and he turned his bodily anguish into the power of healing. This day that he had set aside for himself was instead offered up to the many. He “cured their sick.”
Evening comes and the disciples approach Jesus – remember, they’re in the middle of nowhere – and tell him to send the crowds away so that they can buy food and eat. We might think this is the moment Jesus has been waiting for, a reason to be done, to finally get alone. Instead, he grabs the disciples with this gaze and says, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” To which they, rather taken aback, reply, “We have nothing here but…”
Let’s pause to consider a few things.
First, our Savior grieves. God became human in Jesus and knows our pain, knows our grief, knows our need to withdraw to the deserted place and fall apart. As the book of Hebrews puts it, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin” (Heb. 4:15).
Second, Jesus goes somewhere when he grieves. Jesus goes to the deserted place, a place that can hold the aches of the heart that know no words, a place that befits suffering. Not every place is equally hospitable to suffering. Jesus leaves the hustle and bustle of the town to seek the empty, wilderness place.
Third, Jesus sometimes withdraws from us, but he never sends us away. This distinction is very important to take to heart. Sometimes Jesus feels at a distance. Jesus is living, not bound to stay right here in the way we’ve always known him. Jesus is also loving and has compassion for us when we come to him. He always stays within eyeshot, and it is up to us to follow him if we are desperate enough for him. In fact, it is for our good that we follow the grieving, angry Jesus to the places that he goes.
Finally, for our purposes tonight, I want us to see that the feast, the feeding, the miraculous multiplication of food, is more than just unplanned but is brought about by Jesus in a moment of profound personal anguish. John’s body – severed, broken. Jesus’ heart – a wasteland of anger and sadness. The place – uninhabited. The food on hand – mere fragments. The loaves – blessed and broken. The disciple’s objection to feeding the crowds says it all: “We have nothing here but…”
And now we come to the turning point. Jesus draws strength and compassion out of his weakness. And he asks his disciples, his church, to do the same. You give them something to eat. I know that it is late, that we are coming to the end of a day of intense ministry; I know that you are tired and hungry and overwhelmed; I know that we are in the middle of nowhere. Still, give them something to eat. Just as I turned the fragments of my own heart into their healing, now, turn the fragments of this bread into their meal. Feed them and watch as they eat to the point of satisfaction. Watch as you end up with more than you started with.
“We have nothing here, but…” That is always the objection, because that is always the reality – truly, that is life. To have nothing here, but… but a few pieces. A little time. A story. A set of experiences, good and bad. A body, sometimes strong, sometimes weak. A broken heart. A meager budget. Limited capacity. Incomplete understanding. A botched night of sleep. A last wild hope. To have ‘nothing here, but’… is the sweet spot of Christian life, because Jesus can do anything, everything with the almost-nothing that is us.
To exist in that space of weakness as it becomes his strength, to feel our grief become his compassion, our emptiness become able to hold all things, that is where we learn the meaning of God’s words passed on by the Apostle Paul: “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). We cannot experience the sufficiency of God, the feast in the deserted place, if we do not first let him lead us there, to an honest reckoning with our mortality, our hunger, our sin.
And now we can finally answer our questions: What does this Table have to do with these ashes? Everything. This season of repentance and fasting asks us to practice humility, to awaken hunger and face our creaturely finitude. In this season we mark ourselves as those following Jesus into the deserted place, where we can learn that God’s power and love do not depend on our own strength or perfection but are instead magnified by our desperation for him.
No matter how you have chosen to take up the call of this season, allow that sacrifice, discomfort, and ache to turn your attention back on the one who has compassion for you and for many. And may we all remember that we will one day die, that we are always nothing, but… but one brief moment of Life’s great Mystery. But in God’s hands, blessed and broken, we can nourish the world, losing nothing, but gathered up, more than we ever thought we could be.
Amen.